Full Moon
by Toofdap
Summary: Remus wakes up at Hogwarts, but there was something different about last night's full moon.... Pairing: RemusSirius. Warnings: Slash, angst


Full Moon

_Archive_: Padfoot...Snuffles, Azkaban's Lair, Meant to Be  
_Summary_: Remus wakes up at Hogwarts, but there was something different about last night's full moon...  
_Pairing_: Remus & Sirius   
_Disclaimer_: JK Rowling owns everything mentioned here, I don't  
_Spoilers_: POA  
_Author's Notes_: Marauder era, just after the prank at the Whomping Willow.  
I have had a few comments regarding "exsessive" crying fro the pups. I like to think there is a side to all males that (in private of course) means they can let guilt and frustration escape in the form of silent tears. After all, crying isn't just reserved for us lasses is it?

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Remus opened his eyes slowly, his nagging headache reminding him that the full moon was the previous night. Gently moving his arms and legs to check for damage from the change, he winced: his whole body ached with every movement. Casting his mind back slightly, he tried to remember what had actually happened the previous night. He knew it was something different, an unusual smell had entered the Shrieking Shack. The smell of a human.

Gasping at the memory, he could picture the horror on Snape's face as he came face-to-face with the werewolf, and the expression of relief when James had appeared, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him out of the Shack before Remus could attack him.  
"How?", Remus thought out loud "how could he have known where to find me... and what..." he gulped, "what if everyone now knows".

Shaking with panic at the thought, he heard the door open, and Madame Pomfrey speak to the visitor. Professor Dumbledore. Various events ran through Remus' mind, but one stuck out the most: being expelled for nearly attacking a fellow student. Remus supressed a shudder as Dumbledore approached his bed and sat in a chair he'd conjured.

"I expect," the old professor said, his voice sounding tired and strained, "that you have some memories of something different last night, something other than the usual transformation." 

Remus couldn't find his voice, settling on a mere nod of the head, which in turn made his neck ache. Moving his hand to rub his neck in turn made his shoulder ache. Giving up with the aches and movements, looking at Dumbledore, he tried to let his mind speak for him: at least that was less painful.

"Well Remus," he continued "it would seem that a certain friend of yours had mentioned to Mr Snape that he would find something to interest him in the Shack last night. And Mr Snape being the curious thing he is, decided to find out. It was only because of Mr Potter that you didn't have the chance to attack him."  
Remus stared at the Professor, trying to comprehend what he'd just been told. "You mean..."

"...yes, Mr Black," he replied "was the one who thought it would be, erm, fun shall we say to send Mr Snape down there."

Dumbledore rose from the chair. "I have sworn Severus to secrecy. He won't tell a soul." Remus merely half-nodded, instantly wishing he hadn't as it made his neck ache again.

As Dumbledore reached the doorway, he spoke to Madame Pomfrey, who in turn pulled out her wand and cast a spell to rid Remus of his aches. Well, almost all of them. She couldn't cure the aching in his heart and his head throbbing from the news he had just been told.  
"Sirius," he muttered, "how could you?"

Three days later, Remus was fit enough to rejoin the class for lessons. First lesson - a classic Professor Binns lecture. In other words, a chance to either catch up on the gossip, or catch up on lost sleep. For Remus, it would be his first chance to speak to James about that night. His heart racing with adrenaline at the thought of Sirius, his friend betraying him like that, Remus sat next to James and waited for Binns to start talking. 

Three minutes later, half the class had started dozing off, so Remus decided now was the best time to try and make conversation with James. Thankfully for him, Peter and Sirius were far enough away from them to hear anything that was being said. 

"James," Remus asked, "what did happen last full moon?"  
Startled at the speed Remus had asked this question, James merely looked at him, as if he could read the emotions swimming in Remus' mind.  
"I mean," he continued "Dumbledore has told me about Snivelus, but who told him to go down there?"  
James stared more, seemingly unable to speak. Then, slowly, he moved his lips a fraction and whispered "Sirius".

"But... why? I thought he was supposed to be a Marauder - our friend." Remus uttered, shocked to hear James give that information so readilly.  
"I don't know myself," he replied. "It seems that our dear Snivelus was asking some awkward questions, but I don't know what made Padfoot tell him to go to the willow."

Later that day, Remus had a plan. He would confront Sirius himself, and ask him about what had happened. Try to get some honest sense out of him. "Honest sense?" he thought "Sirius and honest sense? How ironic."   
But that wouldn't be easy. James had mentioned that Sirius appeared to have turned himself invisible: he hadn't been seen in any classes since the full moon, and there hadn't been any sight of him in the dorms either.

That evening, Remus climbed through the Fat Lady's portrait into the Gryffindor common room. The lights were out. Looking around in the darkness for signs of anyone being there before him, he noticed a figure huddled in the corner. He tried to make out the figure, to discern which type of creature it was. He'd walked in on a House Elf cleaning before, and was concerned about disturbing one again. Wand in robes, Remus moved quietly forward a pace, and realised the figure was literally facing the corner of the room, sitting on the stone floor.

Knowing he only had an hour before James and the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team had finished training for the night (watched by the ever eager but incapable of flying on a broomstick Peter), he decided against walking away. He would wait for Sirius to turn up as this would be his only chance to confront him for a while. That is, if Sirius ever appeared again.

As he drew nearer to the creature in the corner, Remus determined it was in fact human and pulled out his wand. Muttering "Lumos" he produced a stream of light from the tip of his wand.  
Purposely pointing it towards the opposite wall to not alarm the huddled figure, he wandered towards the corner, and stopped. The figure seemed to be crying. Taking a few steps forward again, trying to see who needed conforting, Remus recognised the sobbing huddled mess of a student. 

"Sirius!" he muttered, trying to find his voice in the large echoing room. The figure remained facing the corner, but the tears subsided slightly.  
"Sirius, where have you been the last few days? Look at me." The last three words a command rather than a request, but still Sirius faced the corner.

Remus was almost standing on him, he was so close. "Sirius, if you won't turn round, just answer me." Still no response from him, the only movement being the shaking of his shoulders as his sobs took control once more.  
"I want to know what happened." This time, he saw the muscles in Sirius' broad shoulders tense. "Tell me what happened on the full moon."

Sirius' head dropped. He seemed to feel the floor was more comfortable to look at. "You could at least turn around Sirius. I'm much more interesting to look at than that corner." Sirius shook his head.   
"Sirius, I deserve to know what happened. Tell me." Again, the last two words a command.  
Sirius cleared his throat. His voice was hoarse from crying: he'd not been invisible as James had joked, although he wished he had been: he'd simply skived off every class since the full moon, filling his time with tears. Tears filled with varying emotions, guilt, embarrassment, more guilt, and pure terror at what could have happened to Remus.  
"I... I told Snape" Sirius finally whispered. "I told him about you, and that he could find a surprise waiting for him if he passed the Whomping Willow"  
More tears overcame Sirius' voice. Hanging his head so low he felt he would be looking backwards, he tried to control his emotions. "He said... he said things about you... things I didn't agree with."

Remus froze. He could normally hold his own with Snape, proving it on a few occassions unknown to anyone else, in the patch of ground near the lake, away from sight of the main buildings. Snape was (although he would never admit it to anyone else) scared of the small but powerful Moony, his lupine strength no match for the feeble Slytherin. 

Remus hated himself for it, but there had been a few occasions where he'd almost been pleased to have that strength, especially when dealing with the 'King of the Slytherins' that was Snivelus. "What sort of things?" he asked.

"He said things about you... his said you were in love..."  
Remus shuddered. What if Snape knew more than he gave him credit for. What if Snape knew of his secret: the secret that even the Marauders didn't know.  
"That you were in love..." Sirius continued "with Narcissa."

Remus almost laughed out loud. That was way out, he certainly didn't fancy any girls from Hogwarts. Boys on the other hand, now they were a different matter... "And what made you disagree with that so much?" he asked, "Is Narcissa one of your many girlfriends?" 

Sirius hung his head even lower, if that was at all possible. Slowly, he turned to face Remus' shoes. Remus caught a glimpse of his tear-stained face as he moved and tried to understand what caused this out-of-character outburst from Sirius. What could he have disagreed with that strongly?

"It was accidental" Sirius declared to Remus' shoes. "I hadn't meant to say it, it just came out. I was so worried that you may have attacked him - that would have spelt your death sentence." 

Remus looked down at the top of Sirius' head. He had a slight almost bald patch at the crown of his head where he'd not bothered brushing the gel out of his hair for the last few nights. It had all gone rock hard, stuck in one position. Finally he found his voice, "It was a stupid, dangerous thing for you to do. You betrayed me. You betrayed the whole idea of the Marauders." 

"Snivelus made a comment. I disagreed that strongly."  
"How" wondered Remus to himself, "how could that comment make him disagree that much even if Narcissa was his girl?"  
"I can't tell you why. At least... not yet" 

Sirius faced the wall again, and Remus felt even more confused. Why couldn't Sirius tell him? Would he be able to forgive Sirius for what he had done?  
"If you don't tell me why, I won't be able to even consider forgiving you. You could have killed me. Well, and Snape but I'm not too worried about him as a person. Both of us could have killed someone. Was that what you wanted?" 

Stony silence filled the room. Sirius took a deep breath. "OK" he muttered "I'll tell you. You will probably hate me afterwards, but I'll tell you." Not moving from the corner, still staring through the walls, Sirius racked his brain for how to explain his actions to Moony. After what seemed like hours, he decided. "Remus. Snivelus said you were in love with Narcissa."   
"I know that" Remus snapped, "You were going to tell me why you disagreed with it, remember?" Instantly Remus felt guilty for 'barking' his reply, but Sirius had almost got him killed, so he felt it was justified.

"You have every reason to hate me, just listen to my reason first." Sirius appeared to have been rehearsing this every day and night since the full moon. "I..." Sirus' voice faltered on the word "I... Ah to hell with it Remus, I love you." The last three words were muttered, almost whispered into the dark common room. Remus' lupine sense of hearing picked them up as if the wind had blown them over to him.  
He stood there, unable to move, shocked at the sudden declaration Sirius had made. Sirius loved him? Sirius 'I've-gone-out-with-every-girl-in-the-year-plus-a-few-more' Black loved him?

Dropping his wand in shock, and feeling his legs give way, Remus stumbled over to a chair and sank into it. "That's why Sirius had been acting strange at Snape's comment: he was jealous" he thought. But despite Sirius admitting his love, he didn't assume that Remus was gay. "He couldn't have worked that out," Remus thoughts continued, "he's not that intelligent".  
Looking behind him to the corner where Sirius still sat, he nearly felt sorry for him. It couldn't have been easy to admit that: Remus hadn't found it easy to 'come out' to his parents, who were still positive that it was a phase he would grow out of. Sirius had risked a lot to admit that, especially when friendships were stretched to their limits by his actions with Snivelus. He could have been outed by the Marauders: Peter wasn't known for a liberal minded view of life. He thought that men should only fancy, love and marry women, not other men.

His head reeling from the information it had gathered in the last few minutes, Remus gingerly dragged himself from the chair and walked slowly over to the corner again, his footsteps making no noise on the stone floor. This time, Sirius hadn't been aware of him approaching. "Great", he heard Sirius say to himself, "you've gone and scared him off you stupid prat Sirius Black. No wonder your Mum says you're a disgrace to the House of Black. You can't even handle that well."  
"Who's scared?" Remus asked, picking up his wand and suppressing a giggle as Sirius jumped, startled at his presence. "Will you just look at me." Mellowed by the action in the last moments, Remus' last six words were a request. 

Placing a hand firmly on Sirius' broad shoulder, Remus turned him round, and crouched beside him. "I do forgive you for what you did, as dangerous as it was, because I believe you did set out to protect me in your own unique way." He looked at him affectionately: Remus' father had used that look when he'd stopped himself telling Remus how silly he'd been to have ventured into Forest the night he'd been bitten.  
Sirius looked at his friend's face for the first time since that fateful evening, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I also would like to state," Remus continued, "that Moony has never, ever..."  
Sirius cringed, this is where Remus would state emphatically that he was straight, would never be friends with him again, and that Sirius would be cast out from the Marauders for his 'unusual' lifestyle choice.  
"...doubted his orientation," Remus continued. "He and the wolf as one do prefer the company of males over females. And especially of you over Narcissa."

Sirius looked Remus straight in the eyes, trying to read the humour rating. No humour at all. That means he's telling the truth? Remus moved closer to Sirius who could smell the wolf's musky scent in the air. Looking him straight in the eyes, nose-to-nose, Remus muttered something that was almost lost in the air surrounding them.  
Sirius was thankful his hearing had been honed through a spell James had found and practised on him. He heard every whispered word. The words he'd been dreaming about for three whole years.  
"I love you too"


End file.
